


Noticings

by tookoff



Category: Malcolm in the Middle
Genre: Crush, Crushes, M/M, Repressed Feelings, also malcolm and stevie are both 17 and about to move out, bi malcolm, dude ngl these two would be such cute bfs, gay fic gay fic, malcolm is canonly bi because i said so, repressed crushes awh, yes im procrastinating on my other fic and what of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tookoff/pseuds/tookoff
Summary: I noticed a lot of things about myself and the people around me these past few years.
Relationships: Malcolm/Stevie
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	Noticings

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Sorry for the hiatus!  
> So if anyone is wondering about my other fic: I wrote myself in a corner. I wrote myself in a really bad corner, and I've redone the same chapter about 4 times now. I keep looking it over to see if it's too cheesy or not but apparently I love cheesy (as you can see in this fic) so whatever ig. I also have to deal with being a high school senior, moving, constant fatigue, exex and it's been a pain. Good news is I at least wrote this little tidbit and I'm finishing something for my other fic!
> 
> Anywho ramble over! As usual kind criticism is appreciated!

The first time I realized maybe I liked more than just women was a stupid, short crush on some guy on the basketball team I used to be on. It was about a year later after I quit the team that I realized.

He was 6'5, and was without a single doubt going to become a professional NBA player. His hair was longer, blonde, and whispy, and his skin was tanned, a typical jock appearance. But something about him was... well, different. Unqiue.  
Maybe it was his gentle green eyes, or maybe it was the fact he was so nice to me, even when the rest of my teammates were mocking me because of my height, or maybe it's because I've been more... well, adventurous... with these sort of thoughts these past two years.  
It happened when I was at his basketball game- why I decided to go out and see it I don't exactly remember- but, after the game, he came up to me to say hi and... something inside of me just froze. I felt rapid fluttering butterflies in my stomach, my heart was pounding like a drum through my chest, and my cheeks were flushed a bright red. I mumbled a little hello before finding some excuse to get away from the gymnasium as fast as possible.

Eventually, he moved away about five months ago and I never saw or heard from hin again. But thanks to him, I now have the pleasure to experience worrying about labels, unrequited male crushes, and everything that comes along with being bisexual. I haven't told anybody about this, of course, and I don't think I will until after high school where I'm thousands of miles away at Boston. I would never be able to face the humiliation from people like Jessica, Reese, or the popular kids at school.

My old teammate was pretty much my only significant male crush up until now, everything else has been pretty much just me... "noticing" other guys. But recently, I came across something deep inside of me that I can't tell if I want burned and buried for eternity or if I'm brave enough to explore it.

Stevie Kenarban is my childhood best friend. I met him when he was a tiny dork, with big glasses and a large array of kiddy video games back when he was 10 and I just turned 11. Ever since, we've been best friends for 6 years and counting. I've stuck with him through everything and he's done the exact same for me, and I couldn't be more grateful to have him around.  
I never really loved him more than a best friend. I never even really told him that I loved him, although he knows it. And I know he loves me too, like a best friend.

But I can't help but notice.

After all these years passed by, I picked up on little things he does. The way he lifts his glasses when he's thinking tirelessly. The way his fingers are always curled when he's dead asleep. The way he laughs too hard over the dumbest and most sexual jokes despite his innocent appearence.  
I noticed his eyes, his hair, his warm hands. His eyes were a deep but beautiful brown, and his hair is dark and proper. His nails were always kempt and glossy and, through quick occassions where I had to hold his hand for his physical support, I realize his palms are soft and fit right into mine.

I've also noticed he makes me feel... safe. When I'm around him, I blurt out whatever dumb thing that comes to my mind and he'll prod at it. He challenges me mentally through discussions nobody else can seem to keep my interest with. He makes me laugh with his dumb jokes and the way he's terrible at pranks. And I've also noticed lately I've felt my cheeks burn around him, and I get the tightening feeling in my stomach that I got around my girlfriends, and after all this, I notice that I feel embarrased for feeling this way about a Krelboyne. And then I feel worse for feeling this way about my best friend.

But quite frankly, the worst part is, if I told him all of this it would end in one of two ways.

He'd awkwardly acknowledge that I... well, I can't even admit it to myself just yet. But I wouls tell him, and he'd acknowledge it, and he'd never feel comfortable around me again, and we'd slowly drift apart only to never speak because I was too honest.

Or he'd freak out, asking what in the hell is wrong with me, and why I thought this would be a good idea. And he'd hate me and never talk to me again.

Either way, the thought of it makes my throat burn and my eyes damp.

We sat in his room, occupied with whatever crap Herkabe dropped on us the very last minute. The sun outside radiated a pink glow across the room. Stevie sat comfortably at his desk and I sat on his bed, barely able to focus on anything I just wrote down. My heart was beating quicker than usual and my palms were sweating a gross amount.

"Malcolm? Did you hear me?" Stevie asked, shooting me a concerned glance.

"Hm? Oh, no, sorry." I dropped my pen next to my side and fidgeted with the corner of my papers.

"I asked if you knew the answer to 21."

"Oh, uh... it's... B. I think. Yeah, B."

"Are you okay?" He asked genuinely.

"What?"

"You've been zoned out since you came here." Shit.

"I..." I muttered.

Should I?

"I'm fine. Just tired."

Maybe in a parallel universe.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! It was a tiny little oneshot but it's something I guess. Personally I think Malcolm x Stevie, while it would never be canon, would be beyond precious (I'm more of a Malcolm x Cynthia sorta person but this is a runner up).
> 
> Edited this on 11-6-2020 because I messed up a LOT of grammar and spelling errors.


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